The 12 quotes of Christmas
by Leslie Emm
Summary: Response to the 12 quotes of Christmas challenge on the forum. Four quotes per chapter. Needless to say - Flack. M for safety. Just for fun.
1. Chapter 1

**The twelve quotes of Christmas**

_Here's my offering. Everyone will do this challenge differently, and I've taken snippets from Flack's life and written the quote around it. It's quite possibly AU and may contain OC's and probably OOC but it's all in the spirit of Christmas fun :) I'm going to do 4 quotes per chapter, so that's 3 chapters. Please leave a review! _

**Quote 1) The four stages of life 1) You believe in Santa 2) You don't believe in Santa 3)You are Santa 4) You look like Santa**

Donald Flack Junior sat scratching his head, is 11 year old brain was struggling with the notion of 'The meaning of Christmas in life', the homework set from school. He knew what he _wanted_ to write, but that would probably result in a resounding whack from a nun, and he earned himself enough of those already.

"You havin' trouble there son?"

Don looked up and sighed at his grandpa, putting his pen down.

"I have this homework pops" he huffed, pushing the paper across the table.

The old man read it and smiled, pushing the paper back.

"There's only one thing you need to know about that" he began "**There's four stages of life. One, you believe in Santa**, you remember that right?"

Don nodded sagely and his grandfather continued.

"**Two, You don't believe in Santa**, that's where you are now huh?"

"Yeah" Don shrugged "I know mom and dad get all the stuff"

"Then there's **three, you are Santa, **that's your mom and dad, and one day you. When you have kids"

Don wrinkled his nose, he doubted that a nun would let him get close enough to a girl for... that.

"And **four, you look like Santa**" the old man chuckled, rubbing at his own beard "Like me"

"Huh" Don bent his head and started to write.

…...

Twenty something years later Don still remembered what his grandfather had told him. He remembered it well, along with the nuns reaction when he'd stood up and read out his answer aloud in class.

**Quote 2) Christmas – the time of year where boyfriends and husbands can make up for being total idiots the rest of the year with an awesome gift.**

"Don't you think it's a bit expensive?" his sister asked as she looked at the necklace "You don't earn _that_ much"

"Yeah but it's nice right?" he asked urgently.

"It's _amazing_" she gushed "But you've only been with her a few months Donnie..."

"I know" he confirmed "But we kinda hooked up now and then for a few months before that, and well, I kinda been a jerk at times" he explained.

Sam looked at the necklace and then at her brother, he was a good looking kid, even more so in a uniform. He also had the bad boy vibe about him and a smart mouth that made women laugh. For as long as she could remember her friends had gushed about how gorgeous he was, and as he got older they'd had some tremendous fights when he'd taken advantage of that. But he seemed fired up about this girl, whoever she was and Sam didn't want to pour cold water on that, this was the first girlfriend to last more than a month.

She handed the box back "**Christmas**" she rolled her eyes but laughed "**The time of year where boyfriends and husbands can make up for being total idiots the rest of the year with an awesome gift**"

He grinned back at her "You got it" he nodded.

**Quote 3) I'm not a morning person, but on December 25th, different story**

Donald Flack senior and his wife looked at each other in surprise as they heard movement from upstairs, the only person still in bed was their teenage son Donnie, and unless he was at school, or off with the police cadets, he could usually be found in bed, or eating.

"Is Donnie going to open his presents now?" Samantha, younger and more innocent, pleaded wide eyed with her father.

"Now don't bother him" Her mother warned "You know what he's like when he's just got up"

"But I want to see what he got!" Sam was full of enthusiasm "And show him what I got!"

"What ch'ya got then kidda?" Don yawned at the door, ruffling her hair.

All three looked at him in surprise.

"What?!" he huffed, sitting in the vacant chair with a thud.

"You're rather jolly this morning" his father remarked.

"**I'm not usually a morning person**" he gave his father a direct look "**But December the 25th – different story**"

His mother smiled and bent over him, grabbing his face and kissing his cheek, much to his disgust.

"Mom!" he protested.

"Oh you're just as excited as you ever were" she said fondly "You're just too proud to show it"

He huffed and rolled his shoulders as she walked into the kitchen, but she knew a small smile lurked there somewhere.

**Quote 4) I hope Santa brings my co-workers a clue this year**

Detective Don Flack sighed as he surveyed the mess before him.

_Why'd I always get the call when everyone else screws up?_

"So what we got?" Danny asked him.

"Where do you want me to start?" Don grumbled "Simple bust, or so you'd think right? Ah no, they go and bust down the wrong door, and then they back track and go for the right door, to find the guy has rumbled them and taken off"

Danny rolled his eyes "So who's the DB?"

"Oh that's the perp" Don huffed "Granny down the hall heard a 'cuffuffle' – her words not mine, and tripped him with her stick as he ran, guy fell down four flights of stairs"

"He take some of ours with him?" Danny raised an eyebrow at the collection of officers sitting in the hallway, bleeding and bruised.

"Oh no" Don replied "Granny did that when they tried to arrest her"

"You're kidding" Danny tried and failed to control his laughter.

"I wish I were" Don sighed.

Danny looked at his watch "Best get started" he said "Merry Christmas by the way, it's after midnight"

Don scowled in response.

"Owww" Danny teased "Soon be home, I can't wait to unwrap what Santa's brought _me_ this year"

"Montana cookin' your turkey huh?" Don quipped with a sneer.

"You're only jealous" Danny retorted "'Cos you're cookin' your own"

Don let it slide, there were things Danny didn't know... and he'd like it to stay that way right now.

"Right now" Don replied "**I hope Santa brings my co-workers a clue this year"**


	2. Chapter 2

**The twelve quotes of Christmas Part II**

_Here's my offering. Everyone will do this challenge differently, and I've taken snippets from Flack's life and written the quote around it. It's quite possibly AU and may contain OC's and probably OOC but it's all in the spirit of Christmas fun :) I'm going to do 4 quotes per chapter, so that's 3 chapters. Please leave a review! _

The first 3 follow on from each other, the last is unrelated. It's a bit well, M rated lol.

**Quote 5) People are really weird at Christmas, what other time of year do you sit around a dead tree and eat sweets and nuts out of your socks?!**

"You're boring you know" a pretty red head dressed as Santa's little helper told Don Flack as he leaned casually against the bar.

"I'm here aren't I?" he drawled back, taking his time to look her up and down, stopping pointedly on her legs.

"You are" she smiled "But where's your Christmas spirit?"

He held up his glass in answer, taking a mouthful whilst holding her eyes with his. He smirked as he placed the glass back down, seeing her flush slightly.

"Come dance" she pouted, holding out her hand.

"I don't dance" he raised an eyebrow at her, but took the hand, brushing it gently with his fingers "Not vertically anyway"

She flushed again and he dropped the hand slowly, taking another drink.

"Bad line" she retorted and he laughed "Come on, it's Christmas"

"No" he grinned, draining his glass "Drink?"

"Vodka and soda" she replied "Then at least come sit with us and stop being all dark and mysterious over here"

"I like being dark and mysterious" he retorted "It's a great way to get pretty girls to talk to you"

"Stop _it_" she grinned at him.

"Sorry" he grinned back "Can't help it, it's Christmas"

"Makes people do stuff they wouldn't usually huh?" she replied pointedly, making him think, and then took the drink and linked arms with him, dragging him over to the rowdy table at the back of the bar.

"People are really weird at Christmas" he said as he followed her "**What other time of year do you sit around a dead tree and eat sweets and nuts out of your socks**?!"

She laughed low and seductive in her throat "Out your socks?"

He shrugged, grinning, loosening up a bit "You know what I mean"

…...

**Quote 6) I went Christmas shopping today. Got shoved, groped, pinched and felt up, And I enjoyed it so much I'm going again tomorrow**

She sat perched on the edge of his chair, after a few beers and whiskey chasers, Flack was starting to feel somewhat 'Christmassy', despite himself.

"So I didn't see you at roll call" she purred in his ear, making him lick his lips in anticipation "You sleep in?"

"Late start, **I went Christmas shopping today. Got shoved, groped, pinched and felt up**" he grimaced and then smiled "**And I enjoyed it so much I'm going again tomorrow**"

She laughed "I thought you'd have some poor girlfriend tucked away somewhere to do that for you"

He shook his head "No girlfriend" he focussed on her eyes, wanting to see the reaction.

She smiled back "How come?"

He shrugged "Not met the right girl" he answered "Yet"

She felt the blush creep up her neck again at the blatant flirting and looked away, missing his smirk of triumph.

"So, you get nice presents for your folks?" she asked neutrally.

"Yeah" he answered, his arm creeping around her waist "You miss me today then?"

She didn't answer, leaning into him more, looking at him with bright eyes as he started to stroke her arm gently. Oh she knew his reputation, and didn't care, she was quite happy with where _this_ was going.

"Shall we get outta here?" she offered quietly.

His answer was to stand, grinning widely at a few jeers from around the table.

"We're just sharing a cab!" he defended with a laugh, shaking his head at the answers that were shouted at them.

"Yeah right Flack!" one called.

"You got protection?!" Another laughed.

"You got protection!" she imitated the voice that had issued the comment as they got outside "What are we? Stupid kids?"

He returned her laugh "Good advice though"

"It is" she gave him a long and speculative look "And do you?"

"Always" he moved closer.

…...

**Quote 7) ** **All I want for Christmas is you, And a condom.**

"So this is your place then huh?" he murmured as they stood outside her apartment door. Moving closer he looked down at her.

"That outfit is rather distracting"

She took a deep breath, handing him the keys "You think _this _is distracting" she whispered "Wait until you see what's underneath"

He groaned slightly and slid a hand upwards from her knee, stopping when the silk stockings ran out and the skin began.

"I don't think I can" he replied, his voice low before he kissed her, feeling her kiss him back and arch towards him. A small voice in his mind wondered if this was a good idea, seeing as they worked together. Another louder, drunk and lust fuelled voice yelled that they hardly saw each other so no, it didn't matter, at all.

"Door" she ordered as she pulled away slightly.

Keeping her against him with one hand he fumbled with the keys and managed to get the door open, stumbling through and slamming it behind them they crashed against the wall. He lifted her leg around him as they kissed hard, fighting for breath, hands everywhere at once.

"What you want from Santa then Flack huh?" she whispered seductively as the outfit hit the floor. He paused and looked at her body, sliding a hand across her skin that made her gasp.

"**All I want for Christmas is you**" he replied, stopping to smirk as he remembered the jeers as they'd left the bar "**And a condom**"

She giggled as she unbuttoned his shirt "Just the one?"

…...

**Quote 8) That awkward moment when you realise you mom has the same wrapping paper as Santa.**

Don huffed and fought with the scotch tape and wrapping paper. The tape stuck to everything but the paper and the paper now looked like it had been screwed up in a ball and flattened again. He finally got one end fastened down and turned it around only to have the box slide out the other end.

"Fuck it!" he swore and grabbing angrily at all the paper and tape slammed it together into an untidy ball and flung it towards the waste paper basket, or tried to. It clung to his hand obstinately.

Gritting his teeth, mindful he was in the exposed glass rooms of the crime lab, he grabbed at the paper nemesis and finally managed to dispose of it.

Glaring at the roll of wrapping paper with it's cheerful Santa theme, he prepared to try again.

"Wha'choo grinnin' at?!" he demanded of one of the Santa's moodily.

"If he talks back" Don heard a smooth voice tell him "You've been trying to do that to long"

Looking up with a furrowed brow he saw Jo Danville leaning against the door frame, looking rather amused.

"Stupid secret Santa" Don muttered "Danny would a been _so_ much easier, but no, I get Lindsay"

Jo laughed "What did you get her?"

"Perfume" he grimaced slightly.

"Inventive" she replied with a sly smile.

"Well what else _could_ I get her? Best friends girl and all that" he asked in frustration "And if you come out with any of the suggestions Danny did, to improve his sex life, which were disgusting by the way, I'm telling to Mac on you all"

"Grass" Jo sniggered.

"I don't _care_" he sulked.

"Here!" Jo took the paper, scissors and tape from him and started to cut the paper ready to wrap the present.

"Aw thanks Jo" Don smiled.

Jo rolled her eyes and smiled.

"You know I still remember the day when I truly realised Santa didn't exist, and my mom, or rather her visa card, catered Christmas" Jo sighed "I'd love to still be able to believe"

"Huh" Don said "I can't remember _not_ knowing"

"Really?!" Jo looked shocked "That makes me sad"

"Nuns are mean like that" he explained "All Jesus and the sacrifice and no Santa for us"

"Not at all?" Jo pressed.

"Well, a bit" Don gave a half smile "I remember mom and dad trying to make us still believe, but the magic was gone"

"Awww" Jo regarded him with her head on one side.

"When did you realise?" he asked her.

"When I was about ten" Jo said "I got up on Christmas Eve to use the bathroom and caught my mom wrapping my presents"

Don nodded wisely "**That awkward moment when you realise you mom has the same wrapping paper as Santa**"

"Exactly" Jo said before handing him a perfectly wrapped gift "There you go"

He gave her a huge grin "Thanks Jo I owe you"

"You do" she replied sweetly.

…...

_I thought as the first three portrayed Don as being somewhat shallow, this one should be a little deeper :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**The twelve quotes of Christmas Part III**

_Here's my offering. Everyone will do this challenge differently, and I've taken snippets from Flack's life and written the quote around it. It's quite possibly AU and may contain OC's and probably OOC but it's all in the spirit of Christmas fun :) I'm going to do 4 quotes per chapter, so that's 3 chapters. Please leave a review! _

**Quote9) Christmas is a race to see what gives out first, your feet or your cash.**

Mac Taylor knelt beside the body before him. He turned his head this way and that taking in the scene. The woman looked in her mid to late fourties, an expression of gentle shock on her face. Shopping bags littered the ground around her, her purse was upended, the contents spread around as if someone had rifled through it. Brightly coloured rolls of wrapping paper were as they fell when she dropped them. The oddest thing however about this scene were the fact the victim had no shoes, or feet. Bloody stumps were where they should have been. Whoever had done this had taken the feet and shoes.

Mac stood as Detective Flack approached him, notebook open and ready.

"What do we know?"

"No ID as yet" Flack replied "Found by a passer by. No witnesses we can track down, though I've got guys pulling footage from the stores she visited" he indicated the motifed bags around the victim.

Don flipped his notebook shut as Danny came under the crime tape, nodding a greeting.

Mac nodded "A little last minute Christmas shopping, whoever did it must have taken her money and cards" he remarked.

"As soon as I know who she is" Don assured "I'll run her cards"

"This is weird" Danny commented "Who cuts off someone's _feet _after a robbery?"

"Uh-huh, but you know what they say" Don replied with a smirk "**Christmas is a race to see what gives out first, your feet or your cash**"

Danny shook his head in humorous dismay, sometimes they needed to lighten the mood, dead bodies and mutilation were their daily scene and it could get heavy.

Mac ignored him.

…...

**Quote 10) The main reason Santa is so jolly is he knows where all the naughty girls live.**

_(I think this might be how things went if Flack and Angell had shared a Christmas maybe)_

Don stretched out on the bed and grinned, watching her undress.

"You looked amazing tonight" he told her.

"Hmmm" she smiled seductively "You can stop with the flirtin', I let you in didn't I?"

He laughed "Took you long enough to give in Jess"

"You'd better be worth it" she knelt on the bed.

"I am" he leaned up on an elbow "Your memory really that short?"

"No" she replied "I remember, nice undies by the way"

"Festive boxers" he chuckled "Gotta make the effort"

"Uh-huh" she grinned "Santa certainly looks happy anyway"

He laughed, looking down at the array of Santa Claus's frolicking on his underwear.

"Santa's always happy" he replied "And I know why" he reached out a hand, unclipping her hair and shaking it about her shoulders "Better, how the hell did I stay away from you?"

"Mmmm, I don't know" she sat in front of him running her tongue along her lips "Why's that then?"

"Huh" he grunted, transfixed on her mouth.

She smiled as his eyes glazed and travelled lower.

"Hey Flack!" she laughed, snapping her fingers to get his attention "You were telling me why Santa's always so happy"

"Right" he tore his gaze away and pushed himself forward, leaning closer and whispering.

"**The main reason Santa is so jolly is he knows where all the naughty girls live**" he said, close to her lips, laughing "Like me"

She laughed back as he pushed her down onto the bed.

**Quote 11)Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? The birth of Santa?**

"Move over!" Danny tried to elbow Flack away from the tiny mirror in the bathroom of the apartment they shared "I can't see!"

"You look great sweetie" Don replied, dead pan and refusing to move.

"Shut up, you ass" Danny grumbled "I swear I'd have more luck gettin' in the bathroom if my room mate was a woman"

"Like you'd get a woman to do _that_" Don snorted "You have enough trouble gettin' one to kiss you"

"You're mean" Danny muttered from behind him, trying to see around his room-mate as they prepared for the Christmas night out "And too damned tall, _move_"

Don gave in and shifted slightly, allowing Danny some room.

"Jus' 'cos you ain't been laid for a while" Don met his eyes in the mirror "Don't take it out on me"

"You ain't done so good lately yourself" Danny pointed out with a sour look.

Don shrugged "Season of good will to all men an' that" he grinned "That's what I'm countin' on"

"Only you'd use a holiday as sacred as the birth of Christ to get laid" Danny rolled his eyes.

Don laughed "If it works..."

Danny shook his head "It's supposed to be a time for forgiveness and love and giving and receiving gifts"

"Exactly" Don replied with a sly grin "But **aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? The birth of Santa?"**

Danny rolled his eyes again "If I didn't know you were educated by nuns" he said "I'd think you were serious"

**Quote 12) You know you're getting old when Santa starts to look young.**

Detective Flack eyed the uniform with a look that crossed between cynicism and disbelief.

"You're kidding me?" he asked.

"No" the rookie looked disappointed and nervous.

"Come here" he caught the young man by the arm and turned him to face the throng of shoppers behind them "OK, here's a lesson in observation for you, you listenin'?"

The guy nodded, grimacing as his cap almost fell off, Flack rolled his eyes and continued.

"Dressed as Santa, in the middle of summer in Central Park would be a _good_ description of a suspect right?" he asked with exaggerated patience.

This time the uniform grabbed his cap before he nodded again.

"Dressed as Santa two days before Christmas on the busiest shopping street in New York" Flack swept his arm before them "Is _not_ a good description, I can see at least 10 from here"

"Oh" the uniform turned again as Flack himself did, watching as the older and jaded Detective flicked open his notebook.

"So let's try this again" Flack suggested "Other than wearing a Santa costume, do you have a description?"

"Um, he was young" the guy stammered.

"How young?" Flack replied "Young like me? Not quite dead, or young like you? Not quite grown up?"

"Uh, mid twenties" the cop answered.

"Better" Flack said "Height? Weight? Eye and hair colour?"

"Umm" the man's attention was diverted by someone walking by "Him!" he pointed.

Whirling, Flack lunged at the suspect, grappling him to the floor and getting the cuffs on. Dragging the guy to his feet he looked at the uniform.

"For future reference" he said. Brushing his pants down "That bit is _your_ job"

"Oh uh" the kid stepped forward and took the prisoner "You are under arrest"

"I gathered that when this guy landed on me" the Santa said, nodding towards Flack.

Don gave him a look, the cop was right, this kid _was_ young.

Danny appeared at his elbow, panting slightly.

"This him?" he asked, taking Flack's nod as agreement and addressed the suspect "Aren't you a bit young for a Santa?"

Don gave a laugh and pointed towards the cop "_They_ look younger every day too"

"No, we're gettin' old buddy" Danny chuckled.

Don gave him a disappointed look.

"Yeah, but **You **really **know you're getting old when _Santa_ starts to look young"**

…...


End file.
